GRAMMAR’LIE’

2 min


How much ever he was itching to open the letter handed over to him, Mr Englishead had tasks on his hand to complete before getting to that.

An animated and loud Mr E argued his case, standing at the podium. 

“I beg of you, your Highness, it is about time we removed this darn Mr I next to me. Who needs him in “Receive”? I am sometimes placed wrongly after him and I take it as a personal affront. Can’t it be R.E.C.E.E.V.E? I can appear twice, for God’s sake!”

Mr I wasn’t going to accept any demotion to his stature.

“I say, throw this grumpy Mr E away. If I can serve my purpose at the word “Is”, I can handle the word “Receive” too. Make it R.I.C.I.V.” He motioned his hand vigorously, to tap the bar railing.

Such a scene was not uncommon at the exalted Court of Grammar. Letters dressed in black always fought vehemently, claiming importance. Last time Mr Englishead was so tired of the heated debates that he had announced both COLOR and COLOUR to be correct, much to the dissatisfaction of Mrs U. 

Despite the hassles, Mr Englishead enjoyed his position as the Head of English Language. He acknowledged his importance in the Human World; the one who held the key to proper communication between people. Language was his only truth. An eternal one. The proud old man carried an air of superiority and lorded over the powers that be, to enforce purity of language. But he was inherently childlike, who loved coining new words, crafting word plays, and even appreciated the numerous Spelling Bee contests conducted to enhance the linguistic prowess of children.

“I need more evidence. Stop pulling each other’s hair and come to me with a detailed analysis. Next hearing would be in twenty days.” He declared the court adjourned for the day.

The moment he got into his car, he read the letter delivered from a secret agency deployed in the Human World.

“Mr Englishead,

I regret to inform you that the situation here is degrading by the day. As I reported last time, people of this World have invented mobile phones and now they have been taken by laziness. They do something called texting (which is nothing but short, instant letters) and have abandoned all grammar and punctuation rules.

Mrs U has benefited the most. She single-handedly replaces words like YOU, and has gained entry to words like COME!!!! I am afraid I cannot be explicit about this obscenity.

Apostrophe, comma and others are at the verge of extinction and Acronyms like BRB (Be Right Back), TC (Take care) are prevalent all over.

Off late, people are lazy to type even these acronyms and have taken to some weird things called Emojis. <3= Love, :P= Tongue out, :*= Kiss etc.

As a friend, I would suggest you plan your retirement very soon.” 

The letter ended with an 🙁 emoji and an explanation as to what it meant. 

***

Photo By:  Amador Loureiro

***

This is an entry for #TheLie #Five00-8, a room8 writing event –in 500 words.
Check out the event guidelines here: https://writers.artoonsinn.com/room8/thelie

Room8 appreciates your rating the story out of 10 in the comments.

 


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