The first thing I noticed about this place is the depth of peace. I have not experienced this kind of peace in a rather long time. My home is always bustling with words, sounds and tasks. Something or the other needs to be done all the time. And everyone usually comes to me, because I do not make excuses, and I do not put things off. If I am trusted with a job, I get to it immediately.
Now, you must be judging my family as thankless people who overload me all the time. It is not like that. They are the warmest and kindest lot. And they do care for me. In fact, they escorted me right to the door of this lovely cabin in the woods and urged me to enjoy my vacation. Ah! I have been longing for one forever.
By the way, I arrived here just a while ago and it is kind of getting past my bedtime. Yes, I am aging and just like my smallest grandson I too like to go to bed early. Can’t believe it? That means you are young and can stay up for as long as you want to. Me, not anymore. I need to follow a strict routine to preserve my fragile health. Well, today the soporific sounds of the woodlands are lulling me into heavy sleep. I am already looking forward to having a great night’s sleep!
It is the second day of my vacation and I unapologetically confess that I am absolutely loving my own company. You can judge me if you want to but I needed this break. Maybe you would understand my point if you knew a bit more about me.
I got married at twenty and then went on to have three sons and a daughter in quick succession. Raising them was no easy job! It is true that I did not have to face the bigger crises like an earthquake or a raging war. I was lucky to have plentiful food and the comfort of a secure home. And the Lord knows that I am ever thankful for his grace. But if you look into my small world of conventional happiness, you will see that despite all the abundance I had to work a lot and without a break. Honestly, we did go on vacations. Twice every year. But of course, not alone.
Am I happy? Yes. Content at least, if not ecstatic in a drug-induced way.
But it did not seem so in my youth. Many a time I felt overwhelmed by the relentless stream of household chores and wished that I had less to do. And one day, the Lord took away my second son. Perhaps to answer my thoughtless prayers. Why else would the great lord choose to take him away? I certainly did not love him any less than the other three.
I am starting to choke a bit so I will change the topic and tell you about my other children.
My daughter and youngest son grew up to be accountants. My first son became a doctor. They are all successful people. All of them went on to marry. Pretty successful marriages they have. Is that not an incredibly amazing thing? I think so.
And now my daughter has two sons and my eldest son has one daughter. The other son and his wife have decided to not have children.
I live with my eldest son for most of the year and spend one month between my other two children. They all love me. Smother with me with love sometimes! That is why I could finally gather the courage to come for this vacation. Maybe I should have done it earlier.
Anyway, that is all for today and now I would be off. No, it is not bedtime yet. I did not come on a vacation just to blabber on…did I? Let me enjoy my precious me-time!
Today I will talk about my husband. He has been my love, my best friend and my closest companion. So, when I lost him after completing thirty wonderful years of marriage my whole world seemed to fall apart. They think it is better to lose your love at an older age but they lie. That is when the children move on with their lives and that is when you finally think you would sit down and be with each other properly. But the Lord did not think it fit to grant me that joy.
I wish I had not started talking about him. I am crying now. This was a bad idea. To come on a solo trip and to ruminate about Steve. Now, I have to get out of here. I need the love, comfort and reassurance of my own ones.
Oh good, there is a knock on the door. Maybe my eldest son has come to see me. He is the most caring of all three.
I open the door but it is a stranger standing outside. He does not bother to introduce himself.
“It’s time for you to see your husband,” he says.
My eyes shine with joy and I look around in anticipation.
“Don’t look for him here,” the man said. “He has started preschool already. And you’d be born as his neighbour soon. You two would be the best friends in the next life too.”
“Another life?” I ask in shock.
“Yes, the previous one got over,” he informs as he releases my soul from the wooden coffin.
And I surprisingly do not find it hard to let go. I am too excited to see Steve again.
“One last question,” I venture in a half-afraid voice.
“Ask away,” the man says.
“Can I see my son once? The one I lost?” I ask.
“Yes, you’ll see him every day,” he assures. “You’ll be born as his daughter.”
Photo by Mike Petrucci on Unsplash
An old lady finally finds time to enjoy a solo trip that she had wanted.