Family matters!

“Are we there yet?”

“No and if you squirm anymore, I will drop you off right in the middle of the hog farm we passed minutes ago.”

“Hahh! You are bluffing. If I look less than presentable at birth, I am sure you are answerable to the Firmament.”

“I will simply tell them you were so eager to be born that you wallowed in your own shit. The humans even have a fancy name for it. Me-co-nium.”

“Lord! You got such a terrific job profile and all you do is act snarky.”

“A pristine stork flying over gables with a little cloth bundle. It lands at the doorstep of a happy couple who unwrap their prized, beaming new-born. Balderdash! That was the most misleading job description ever. What does my job really entail? Dodging baby poo for long hours. Smelling like freaking public urinal thanks to all the original ‘baby showers’. Hauling those tubbies leaves me wabbit by the EOD. I even developed a frozen shoulder!”

“Still loads better than my last job! I slogged in the kitchens all the time till I succumbed to an illness.”

“Who asked you to nick the food meant for your boss? That sushi you ate was poisoned by his wife. You died because you were a glutton.”

“Ho-how did you know that?”

“We study your past birth and general aura before we select which family, we dump…er drop you at. Part of our extensive prenatal background check!!”

“So, tell me where am I be to be reborn?”

“You will know soon enough. For the love of God, stop fidgeting. I already have this awful itch near my neck that I cannot scratch because I am carrying you!!”

“Scratch my bum with your beak then.”

“What? You pervert!!”

“No silly, I am also itchy. You scratch my bum and I scratch your neck. Its called quid pro quo. No really! Don’t roll your eyes!”

“Quit speaking Pig Latin and pay attention! Inside your blanket is a printed list of milestones you are supposed to achieve every month. Try to keep up.”

“Ah, predictable is so boring!! I already have a growth plan. I am calling it “My way or highway.”

“Almost there, thank god. Now, scrunch your face and wail aloud so they know you are here.”

“Hey stork, there is a problem!”

“What?”

“That bald pate there, that’s my ex-boss!”

“That’s not the way to address your daddy dearest.”

“Bu—but he was the reason I bade this world bye-bye the last time. And his bat shit crazy wife will be my mo-mommy? She once ran after me with a machete after she saw me spitting in her coffee.”

“I read that in your records. May I say you deserved it?”

“She poisoned her husband?”

“Yep!”

“So-so I am to be born in the family that once prompted my death? My mum tried to murder my dad- who was also my last boss? That’s so messed up.”

“Welcome to the modern family!”

***

Picture credit: Sarah Richter, Pixabay.

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