What’s in a Name?

Candidate: A very good morning, sir.

Interviewer: Good morning, miss. The haughty young fellow who just slammed out was named Anal! He can’t really afford any of that standoffish aura, can he?

Candidate:  Actually, Onol means fire in Bengali, sir. 

Interviewer: Oh, my goodness! Tell me why you Bongs spell your names with A when it is O that you have the hots for?

Candidate: Sometimes even using an O can’t help. Take a look at my name.

Interviewer: Porno? Your name is Porno? 

Candidate: Yes.

Interviewer: I can’t take this anymore. My secretary set you two up, didn’t he? I’m still wabbit from post-Covid complications and he thinks it’s appropriate to waste my time and energy with his stupid jokes.

Candidate: This is no joke, sir. Look, my name is here on the cv. 

Interviewer: And who named you such?

Candidate: My parents. They just thought it is a nice name.

Interviewer: Really? They had you and looked up towards the firmament to thank the Almighty for his graciousness and then suddenly they recalled that it was actually one carnally explicit movie that triggered the machinations of procreation. And they decided to attribute your name to the rightful inspiration?

Candidate: Porno means leaf in Bengali, sir.

Interviewer: Hmmm? Well, the rest of your cv looks quite promising. And you seem to be cooperative. Not like that ass named Anal. Ha! You can’t even say his name without jokes flying out of your lips on their own!

Candidate: Yes sir.

Interview: Wanna know what his full name was? Anal Kar! I just looked at him and said his name, slowly and clearly…ANAL KAR??? And he looked as though he was about to come after me with a machete! He stomped his feet and left saying that he didn’t want the job!

Candidate: I want this job, sir.

Interview: I want to hire you too. As you know, we’ll be expanding our operations to rural Bengal as a part of the quid pro quo arrangement with the ruling party of the state. They will teach us how to sell a lie and we will teach them how to lie in a cell. So, hiring someone with a proper understanding of the native culture is of innate importance. 

Candidate: Then hire me, sir!

Interviewer: But how would you report to our global team? Hi, this is Porno, from Bal Enterprises? Can’t see that working!

Candidate: I am not the only one with the name problem here. 

Interviewer: What do you mean? 

Candidate: I mean that if you care to google up the colloquial usage of Bal in Bengali, you’d agree to get a new name for your company, at least for the Bengal wing.

Interviewer: Unbelievable! I just checked it. And now my trichotillomania is acting up. We’ll file an affidavit. But first…

Candidate: What’re you typing, sir?

Interviewer: Deleting something. I happened to tweet a tirade against a certain chief minister disparaging the importance of changing names.

Photo by Sebastian Herrmann on Unsplash

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