“Your Taya ji has agreed to teach you the tricks of the trade. You can join him from tomorrow.” Like a hungry tiger waiting for its prey, Papa was waiting for me to enter home and pounced upon me as soon as I did.
“What for?”
“What do you mean? Do you want us to raise you your entire life?” Mummy joined force with Papa.
***
“OMG Madam! You look as gorgeous as Deepika Padukone in this white floral saree!” I shuddered as my mind played a trailer of my future. Jagmohan Gupta convincing Aunties in a Chandni Chowk clothes shop to buy sarees and salwar suits by paying them false, fawning compliments.
***
“It has finally dawned upon me…”
“All your epiphanies are as scary as Mann ki Baat, Beta. They give us anxieties that make our hearts palpitate wildly” Mrs Gupta cut in pleadingly.
“…that I want to become a detective” I hesitatingly finished. I wanted to work out the nitty-gritty of my new venture before unveiling it to my investors, but today’s development forced me to reveal my plans rather prematurely.
“I had hoped the embarrassment of your last failure was more than enough for us” Mr Gupta was alluding to my flopped business as a Wedding Planner. The bride fell from the revolving stage into the arms of her ex-boyfriend and ended up marrying him. I ended up closing down the business.
“Also, your other effort to earn by sleeping…”
“It was thwarted by you two! I was selected out of 2 lac applicants, thanks to the glowing recommendations that my college professors wrote about my ability to sleep during lectures. But I was chucked out because you ensured I woke up early morning during Brahm Muhurat. As a result, I couldn’t clock the mandatory, daily 9 hours of sleep.”
The guilt pangs of having destroyed their son’s ambitious career as a sleep specialist thawed the Guptas.
“Beta, if this doesn’t work out, promise you will join your Taya ji.” The Guptas made me capitulate using the combined power of strong financial and weak cardiac muscles.
***
Jagga Jasoos – Jagmohan Gupta ki Guptachar Sewa!
Unravelling the Gupt information you want!
I was lovingly caressing my business card in my hands as the sweet dream of busting a drug cartel sent tantalizing thrills through my body. The ringing of my mobile yanked me out of my reverie. Jagga Jasoos’s first assignment!
***
My first assignment, which turned out to be the last as well, was to find a missing dog called Bruno. A simple mission to find a crooked canine who didn’t want to return. His vicious bites on my derriere scared the wits out of the Guptas and they forced me to wind up the operations.
***
Today is another busy day at Gupta Vastralaya. I drape a yellow saree around myself as my customer wants to see how it will look on her daughter whose height is same as mine.
GLOSSARY:
Taya ji: Uncle – father’s elder brother
Maali: Gardener
Mann ki Baat: Indian prime minister’s address to the nation
Beta: son
Brahm Muhurat: Morning time before sunrise. It is considered an auspicious time for yoga practice, meditation or any other religious practice.
Guptachar: A spy whose job is to gather secret information
Sewa: Service
Gupt: Secret
Vastralaya: Cloth store
Photo by Craig Whitehead on Unsplash
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What an end to his detective career. HUmourous .
I was a bit confused while reading. Good attempt.
Lol.
Hilarious!
The bride falling into the arms of her ex. Lol.