Holy Cow! (Part II)

“Marry a cow,” said Swamiji without flinching a muscle in his face.

“What?” the supreme star, as he was known in the Cine industry, was perplexed. He had approached this reverend Swamiji to relieve him from life’s problems that included his sagging film career. But the solution looked a bit quirky to him.

Swamiji read his mind. 

“It is all science and logic, my child,” he addressed the 67-year-young hero. 

“Gomathi’s horoscope is very powerful and by marrying her, you will be transferring half of her luck to you.”

Gomathi, the cow, belonged to Swamiji and was specially reared for such contingencies.  Of course, a trifling fee was charged. 

For the last few years, the hero had tried everything to conquer the market. He gyrated with heroines who could be his granddaughter’s classmates.  He sent several hefty men flying in the air with a flick of his pinky finger. He played a dutiful son by carrying his mother on his shoulders to the hospital (Ambulances were for ninnies). Yet, his films failed one after another. Could Gomathi be his cash cow? 

An auspicious time was fixed on the same day. The clock struck twelve. And the supreme star married a cow in a fitting ceremony. 

“Is that all?” he asked the Swamiji who officiated the wedding. 

“You must spend the night here in the ashram’s cowshed and with that, the rituals for the transfer of luck get completed”.

The thought of spending the night in a cowshed did not appeal to the hero at all.

Swamiji, known for his ability to read minds, said, “My child, what’s a marriage without staying at your in-law’s place?  Besides, all you have to do is sleep in there and nothing else.”

Again for a nominal fee, the cowshed was spruced up with all amenities, air cooler et al, including a bed decorated with rose petals. The hero had had a long day and marrying a cow was not as easy as romancing lissome actresses. Wanting to stretch his legs, he tried to shoo away Gomathi who was snacking on the flower petals strewn on the bed. And that was when she lost her cool. The usually timid cow took offense at being treated like an animal and as any good wife would do, kicked her disrespectful husband, all the while mouthing obscene moos at him. She chased the hero out of her enclosure and refused to have anything to do with him.

What nonsense story, you ask? Before you tut tut, readers, there is more.  

Although the rituals were only partly performed, the holy matrimony did change the supreme star’s fate. Though his films continued to flop with the same sincerity,  he soon joined a political party and went on to win a seat too. Rumour has it that he is eyeing for a berth in the cabinet, his preference being Animal Husbandry.

“After all, who else could do the job better?” is his argument. 

*****

Photo By: Pixabay

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